you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
