someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
