trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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