She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What a dumb baby whore.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
