Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
