At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
