make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
