cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
