So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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