All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
