I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
