You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
