I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
