Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
