It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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