If i come over, it means nothing
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
