I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
