if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
