I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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