my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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