we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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