Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
