I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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