my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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