beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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