there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
