Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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