I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
