We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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