My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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