this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
