the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
