I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
