i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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