Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
