I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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