this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
