Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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