I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
