Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
