I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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