I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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