is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
