she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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