so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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