Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
