At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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