Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
