Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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