I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
