i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
