Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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