OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
