It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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