So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
