Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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