He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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