when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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