I want to make a zoo with you.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
