we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
