Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
