well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
false alarm. still invincible.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
