Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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