Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
